So maybe this is funny. Maybe it’s perspective. Or maybe I’m just an idiot.
But at the risk of inciting another mass exodus of readers like the last time I talked smart, here it is.
I read Paul, a lot. He wrote a lot. In all that I’ve read of him, I don’t see much talk about the writing process. He just did it because it was the communication vehicle available. He wrote from prison, from ships, on the road, late at night. Sometimes he even wrote in his own longhand.
But I wonder what his writing might have looked like if he had to contend with today’s market.
Without further exculpatory remarks, here are some things I’m pretty sure Paul the Apostle never said:
Note to self: ease up on the controversial posts. Opposing Peter like that cost me a 25 percent drop in readership.
“Hey, Timothy. I’m looking to expand my follower base. Mind letting me write a guest epistle for you next week?” (Or, “James, Dude. Need to change things up a little bit. How ’bout you write for me one of these days?”)
What’s wrong with self-publishing?
I’m having a Hades of a time with these WordPapyrus plug-ins. Maybe I should switch to Scroller?
One day, God will release me from this prison. I’m sure of it. He would want me to blog about the experience.
I’m pretty excited about a speaking gig I’ve got coming up at the Areopagus. I need to build my platform amongst the Greeks before I start marketing that work I wrote for the Corinthians.
Apollos. [spit] Apollos! “You plant; I water.” Yeah, right. Fancy way of saying “I’ll take your followers, thanks.”
Another publisher rejected my Ephesian manuscript. Not enough mass market appeal. Niche, snitch.
List posts are supposed to be pretty popular. I could make that work. But the fruit of the Spirit is:
Now, where did I put the list of submission guidelines for that new Canon they’re publishing next month?
“Wow John, great imagery in that last post. The way you described the throne room, man, was that real? ‘Cuz I felt like I was right there.”
Love is a new trending topic, no brainer to attract new readers. Les’see here . . . resounding gong, LOVE, clanging cymbal, LOVE . . . that’s good stuff.
Maybe I should do a giveaway . . .
Is this text scannable?
“James, Bro, awesome stuff on faith and works. I wrote about that over at my Galatians 3 site. Check it out, I’d love your feedback.”
And my very, very favorite thing I don’t think Paul ever said:
Here I am now, hands over head and ducking. So I don’t feel like a total jerk for publishing, tell me: What’s something you think Paul never said?
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Photo: Acropolis at Sunset 2 by Lucretious, via Stock.xchng